People cheat. Discover why.

I don’t believe that there is anyone who has not heard about the most popular book 50 Shades of Grey and also about the movie, which you can already watch in the cinemas. The 50 Shades of Grey syndrome encouraged many young people to talk about their intimate, sexual life and those who are unsatisfied with their partners were encouraged to search for extra pleasure or romance, out of the relationship or marriage. When this happens, we can talk about one complex situation - infidelity, which leaves behind broken promises, hurt feelings, distrust and in many cases it can end the relationship or come to a divorce.

What’s the meaning of infidelity?

Infidelity is a violation of the promise to be faithful to your partner and be honest with him/her. How and what partners think on this topic depends on their cultural and religious background and how they define infidelity. The violation of this promise is very common situation today and one of the biggest reasons for ending many relationships or marriages.

When it comes to situation like this, the partner who is a victim of infidelity in that relationship starts to ask themselves questions: Why s/he cheated on me? How can I forgive them? Can trust be rebuild after it’s broken? Many of the partners are not emotionally ready to face this problem and without much thinking they decided to get out of this broken relationship or marriage.

But, why people cheat?

Researchers have identified gender and personality as one of the risk factors for infidelity.

The individual reasons behind cheating are different among genders. In his research, Dr. Ley (author of Insatiable Wives and The Myth of Sex Addiction) said that: “Women tend to cheat more along the lines of a romance novel, where they are looking for that kind of dynamic and romantic intimate attention and excitement. When a man cheats, he’s more likely to cheat in a series of one-night-stands.” One common ground among both sexes that cheat is a sense of psychological and biological excitement that oftentimes diminishes in long-term relationships.

Also, some personal traits may be reasons for infidelity.

· Extroversion: Extroverted people, driven by sexual desires and pleasure seeking, tend to look for situations to satisfy their needs.

· Emotional stability: Emotionally stable people are less likely to cheat their partners.

· Openness: Those who are open to trying new things might be more likely to try infidelity as well.

· Agreeableness: People who disregard other people’s feelings and opinions might be more likely to cheat.

· Conscientiousness: Those who struggle to control impulses, and whose morals might not be structured, are more likely to be unfaithful.


People also cheat because of relationship reasons. At high risk for infidelity are the people who feel lack of emotional or sexual satisfaction in their relationship and experience conflicts and disagreements with their partners too often.

Others cheat because of the situation reasons. A person might not have a personality prone to cheating, and might be in a perfectly happy relationship, but something about their environment puts them at risk for infidelity. For some people some situations are more tempting than others. A risk situation for someone can be spending too much time with many attractive people. Situation like this can make cheating more likely. If we think about the nature of a person’s employment, we can say that individuals whose work involves touching other people, having personal discussions, spending more one-on-one time with the clients or coworkers, are more likely to have an affair. When the sex ratio is imbalanced, people are also more likely to experience infidelity.


Can we protect our relationships from infidelity?

Very important thing that we need to do, if we want to protect our relationship or marriage from infidelity, is to talk with our partner about their definition of infidelity. Every person has different idea and definition about what infidelity really is. Have an open discussion with your partner on different questions and what could potentially hurt them. This will help you to set boundaries and will protect you from hurt feelings in the future.

If you struggle with infidelity and you are a 
victim or participant, it’s really important to get help; therapy sessions or read some professional books which can give you advice on how to help yourself. "Once a cheater, always a cheater” doesn’t have to be your story and define your personality. You can change yourself and start living a fulfilling and more quality life, without cheating.